Mister Pterodactyl

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Are you ready for some zombies?
The reason I ask is, many local businesses, all the libraries, even my gym and (I fear) the local university are going to be closed tomorrow. Ostensibly due to some sort of pagan ritual that's due to occur, so I'm told. I don't know too much about it but apparently it involves people coming back from the dead, which makes me think that all those places are closed so their employees won't get caught outside during the zombie invasion. Boy, am I glad I got the warning in time!

So be careful tomorrow and whatever you do remember, IN THE HEAD!

[Speaking of rising from the dead, this is my first post in almost two months. Whew.]
- posted by Dactyl @ 7:01 PM 3 comments

Sunday, February 15, 2009

A couple posts ago, I joked about asking for a cut of the stimulus bill. Well maybe I wasn't joking after all:

"wireless and broadband deployment grant programs
(including transfer of funds to Mister Pterodactyl for the Mister Pterodactyl Personal Economic Stimulus Program)
For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $50,000 shall be paid directly to Mister Pterodactyl in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Mister Pterodactyl to schooling or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Mister Pterodactyl will receive free Green Bay Packers tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Mister Pterodactyl shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Murtha is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment."

Want your piece of the action? Go here.
- posted by Dactyl @ 11:53 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Oh, good
"RACINE — Mayor Gary Becker has been arrested on multiple felony charges related to attempted sexual assault of a child and having child pornography, according to a state agency."

And yes, it did occur to me to suggest a new round of Name That Party, but that would just be mean.

[Update: I think I should point out that at the time that article was published, I did not in fact know what party Becker belonged to. And since it's from the local paper in Racine, where I no longer live, readers might very well be expected to already know that information. Just to be fair.]

- posted by Dactyl @ 8:00 PM 0 comments

Monday, January 12, 2009

I think I should ask for a bailout too
Seriously. As long as everybody else is, I mean. It's not just the banks anymore, or the automakers. Even newspapers and, ahem, other publications are trying to get their piece. That Larry Flint, what a kidder.

And I wouldn't need anywhere what they're asking, either. No five billion. Not even one billion. In fact, thirty or forty grand would probably do it. [Okay, in the spirit of the times, make it sixty.]

See, I'm currently working full time and going to school part time, after a second bachelor's degree. A bailout would allow me to work less and focus on my studies more, thus allowing me to do better and finish faster. After which I would begin my glorious new career and earn lots more money than I am now. That means I would increase my discretionary spending, helping to move the economy along, and at the same time pay more taxes, both due to my higher income and additional sales taxes (see discretionary spending, increased, above).

To top it off, there's some unemployed sap out there who could have my job in the meantime, thus providing even more stimulus. Stimuli?

See? This plan is a winner. I'm calling my Congressman to get a bailout application now.
- posted by Dactyl @ 6:28 PM 0 comments

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Navy 34, Army 0

Seems like West Point never has a very good team. They can take heart, though, they're too busy learning to kill bad guys. And they have the coolest uniforms in all of football.
- posted by Dactyl @ 9:05 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Yesterday Vodkapundit linked to this Steyn piece, calling it the Best. Fisking. Ever. Seems kinda long and triumph-y to earn that title; essentially Steyn debunks a couple guys who are stretching the truth and/or being deliberately obtuse in order to criticize something he wrote. Nothing special, really. But that's just me.

But you never know what's going to catch your eye. Here's Steyn quoting Oriana Fallaci quoting Ayatollah Khomeini: "A man who has had sexual relations with an animal, such as a sheep, may not eat its meat. He would commit sin."

Ahem.

When you hear a respected member of the clergy issuing guidelines on the proper way to do, well, anything at all, you might quite reasonably believe that the practice is common among that cleric's followers. And permitted, if not exactly encouraged. In this case, in other words, Bessie's in for a long night, Mohammed. Don't worry, the imam said it was ok.

But I think this 'no eating' rule is less a tacit how-to and more a deliberate, if backhanded, deterrent to barnyard love. Think about it. Do you really want to go to the neighborhood post-Ramadan barbecue and have to say no to the shishkebob? And then your buddies are all "come on, dude, you love shishkebob." And you have to say "no, no, you guys go ahead, I'm good." But they just won't let up until finally you have to explain why. Do you really want to have to explain why?

And then there's the uncomfortable silence. And that cute little burkha in the corner is eyeing Achmad instead of you. At least, as far as you can tell. Under all those layers. The whispering. The jokes behind your back. And so on. Not worth it, is my point.

Unless you're a vegetarian Muslim. Then it's all the hoofed hotness and fried okra you can handle.
- posted by Dactyl @ 8:27 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

And now, a man who needs no introduction...

Mostly because I don't know who he is. Still, completely awesome.
found here.
- posted by Dactyl @ 11:18 PM 0 comments